Open Rants by PowerTackler

Let me just reiterate how happy I am to have found your site. I love your in-depth knowledge and opinions on the NFL. It's also so nice to find someone with excellent English skills.

Today was my two-year wedding anniversary. I got married when I was your age (34, if I'm not mistaken). It made me think back to all of the great times and dates my wife and I have had together. Some were free, but many were expensive. Life is expensive these days, especially when it comes to going out for a special date night with the woman you love.

You seem like a smart, successful, and nice guy. I bet your fiancee is great too. With this in mind, I cannot let you spend $300 USD on the 2016 Miami Dolphins without voicing my concerns. This is on par with finding out a loved one is doing mountains of cocaine; it requires an intervention. This is for your own good.

I understand how you like to fade the public. I do too, not just when it comes to betting on football, but in any and every situation. Peer pressure has always had the reverse effect on me that it's supposed to; it makes me not want to do it. I've never had a cigarette. I've also never been high, which is likely one reason why I'm against betting money on the Miami Dolphins. But just because Pittsburgh is a public team, and their fans travel well, and they're on the road this week, and they have the Patriots coming up, and their owners used to have shady connections to Vegas, doesn't mean the Miami Dolphins will suddenly learn how to play American football overnight.

Here is a list of things I trust more than the Miami Dolphins:

1. Mexican tap water

2. 1992 Jake "The Snake" Roberts

3. Gas station sushi

4. The Cleveland Browns

5. Alka-Seltzer from Bill Cosby

Ryan Tannehill sucks. You know it. I know it. Everybody knows it. He's thrown more picks than TDs this year. He'll never hoist a Super Bowl unless he's on a sightseeing tour at the hall of fame.

You know who else should go out for a nice dinner, besides you and your fiancee? Arian Foster, just for the meal. He was injury prone before. But I guess we have pouty Jay Ajayi to hold down the fort, so why would we even need anyone else? He's like a combination of Marshall Faulk and Barry Sanders. Do you think you and I could get a job in the Dolphin backfield? I'm available part time. I hear the money is excellent.

In short, the Miami Dolphins are not cool, relevant, or underrated. They're a bunch of overpaid hacks with nothing to offer the outside world. I can't sit idly by while you flush your money down the toilet, hoping in vain that Ryan Tannehill might justify earning even a six-figure salary. Instead, since I've never been to Philadelphia, here is a handy list I found of tons of neat things to do in Philly:

Every single one of these would be a better use of your hard-earned dough than betting money on the Miami Dolphins. They don't deserve nice things, but your fiancee does. Treat her with the love and respect she deserves. Lay the foundation for a lifetime of love and happiness. It's never too late to show her you care.