Open Rants by sserxner

Problems with the Philadelphia Eagles

First, I feel it's only appropriate to address Chip Kelly. What a complete dumbass. If I hear Colin Cowherd say that Chip Kelly is a Bill Belichick type talent, I might kill myself. He has the control freak trait for sure, but at least with Belichick you're getting a winner. A cheater for sure, but a winner none the less. At this point, I don't even care how we win, only that we win. Back to Kelly. So yeah he basically got rid of our most talented skill players, hired a coaching staff with an average IQ of about 90, and then talked about how the team was on the right path. LOL. Only the 49ers would hire this doofus. LOL at them just as much.

Next, Doug Pederson. This guy was a terrible quarterback, and as a coach has been riding Andy Reid's coattails. I never liked Reid- he was never a big game winner. For years the Eagles would have some of the most talented rosters in the League, but whenever we got to the playoffs, every Eagles fan knew in their hearts that Fatass Andy Reid and Loser Donovan McNabb would find a way to mess it up. Jesus Christ. Just be nice to T.O. Pederson is like a poor man's Andy Reid. Check that- a homeless man's Andy Reid. This dude was like our fourth choice as coach and will do nothing different than any other Eagle's coach- lose.

Now it's your turn Howie Roseman. Everyone needs to stop with all the praise. I mean yeah, thank God he's in charge instead of Kelly, but seriously, c'mon. He's not that great. He overpays for free agents past their prime and is overall a pretty average GM. I get he looks like Bill Polian right now, but that too will wear off.

Finally, it's the players turn. What an average group. Sam Bradford is a B-. The O-Line is older than Al Davis. (whoops bad joke) The wide receivers couldn't catch their own asses with two hands. I mean Jesus Christ I think Jordan Matthews puts lube on his gloves. I like Zach Ertz, but giving him that much money is stupid. He's only going to have Bradford throwing to him for 8 games a season, so we should really only be paying him half as much. And that Celek deal. That sucked. I do like Darren Sproles, but at this point he's not much more than a change of pace back and punt returner. Every time Ryan Matthews runs the ball, I can't decide which is more likely; a fumble or a broken bone.

On the defensive side there is some talent. Fletcher Cox is a beast. Benny Logan defends the run well. Brandon Graham, Vinny Curry, and Connor Barwin should all work as 4-3 DE's. Jordan Hicks was really good last year and should only get better. (thank God we finally cut Cjip Kelly's "mufasa" to clear the way for him) Mychal Kendricks is a good player. Hopefully we'll nab another LB in round 3 or 4. The secondary, FINALLY, might be OK. Malcolm Jenkins and Rodney McLeoud should hold down the fort as safeties, while Eric Rowe was actually pretty solid last year.

Lastly, I'm just going to cover some of my draft concerns. I really hope the Eagles don't pick Ezekiel Elliott. He's not as talented as Todd Gurley and has clear attitude problems. He belongs with Rex Ryan in Buffalo(yes I know they have LeSean McCoy already). I really do want them to pick Vernon Hargreaves. This dude can play. Teams might be scared of his height(5'10") but he's got some real talent. Athletically he'll be able to play with basically any receiver on Day 1, and everyone knows he'll get a lot of confidence playing against our receivers in Training Camp. He's got Asante Samuel type potential, which is pretty fitting, as Samuel was the last Pro-Bowl level corner the Eagles have had. All this being said, the Eagles will pick Elliot. What can you expect from a bunch of dumbasses. Whatever. We'll be 7-9 and back picking at number 12 next year.

Oh and by the way Walt, if you do actually read this, this is Sam Serxner. I sent you a message on FaceBook. I'd like to do some writing for the site. Let me know if that could be a possibility...