Jerks of the Week - May 31, 2009

Jerks of the Week for May 31, 2009

I'm starting this new (weekly?) section because there are tons of jerks out there who need to be called out. I also need a place to vent because my 2010 NFL Mock Draft and 2009 Fantasy Football Rankings don't offer enough space. So, let's not waste any time and get right to it.


JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 1: Confusing E-mail Guy

I returned from my ex-college roommate's wedding on Monday afternoon. Checking my Gmail account, I noticed that I had about 80 new e-mails. At least 40 of them were notices that I just inherited $20 million from a dead Nigerian king. I'm rich biiooottcchh!

Anyway, I stumbled upon a very confusing e-mail. The guy went on to praise my Anti-Michael Vick column, opining that Vick no longer has business in the NFL.

However, right after that, he wrote the following. My comments are in the parentheses:

"Be careful with your quick judgement (misspelled), as if your option (option? WTF?) matters, probably your b***h or boy telling you to hurry up we gotta go (not sure what this means)! You're (Your!!!!) draft sucked. you (capitalization!!!) are a dickhead (what an insult). feel free to respond you a**hole."

I did respond.

My draft wasn't too good, but neither was anyone else's. Kinda tough to make a logical mock draft when stupid teams make stupid picks.

Maybe my "option" doesn't matter, whatever the hell that means, but I am a dickhead. Thanks for noticing.

I love getting feedback, and I try to answer all e-mails, whether it's fan mail, hate mail or an e-mail with a question.

But don't send me fan mail that turns into hate mail. That's just confusing - especially when I just came from an Irish wedding where I drank myself into oblivion.


JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 2: Barbeques

Don't get me wrong - I love a good barbeque. I'm a very fat man, so I love stuffing my face with cheeseburgers and hot dogs until I pass out and the ambulance has to drive me to the hospital.

However, I've recently grown to despise barbeques.

I had a hot date lined up for my old college roommate's wedding (RepublicanSexKitten from the forums). She's also a (good-looking) friend from Penn State.

Unfortunately, she was starting a new job at a law firm in D.C. the Tuesday after the wedding. This wouldn't have been a problem, except the law firm held a barbeque for all the new employees the day of the wedding.

So, as you can probably surmise by my tone, RepublicanSexKitten chose her career over going to a wedding between two people she doesn't even know. Confusing E-mail Guy called me a dickhead, but even I can't blame her for doing so.

So, who's to blame? Not her. Not my old roommate. Not the law firm. Barbeques are to blame!

Barbeques shall rue the day they crossed me! From this day forward, I shall never go to another barbeque again... well, unless they have good food there, you know?

JERK OF THE WEEK NO. 3: David Stein

Who's David Stein, you may ask? Did I misspell "David Stern?" Nope, although Stern probably deserves a spot on this list because his referees have been especially awful this postseason.

David Stein is a real person. He runs a sales blog.

As you may know, I recently started a sales Web site, Pro Sales Guide, with my friend Steve. It's about a year old, so this week, I thought I should really start focusing on link exchanging. I just want a couple more people to come onto the site and read our content. That's all.

I found a site called David Stein's Sales Blog. It looked like a decent site, so I e-mailed David and complimented him on it. I then told him that I added his site to my links and sales database pages, and asked politely if he would link back. No big deal, right? Well, check out his response:

Thanks for the kind words. Much appreciated. I'll pass on your offer for now. I've got to spend some time evaluating my blog roll.

Pass? Pass!? This isn't a game show! It's a simple link exchange! I took the initiative and added his link not once, but twice on Pro Sales Guide. The least he could do is add a link back. Just one damn stupid link!

And what's there to evaluate? Doo doo doo doo doo... here are some links. Here are more links. Here are even more links. Doo doo doo doo doo... gotta do some more evaluation! It's just a damn blog roll! Confusing E-mail Guy should have complimented/insulted David Stein instead of me.