Open Rants by RichardKPE


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RichardKPE
The Church of Ozzie
Published at 5/2/2016
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While watching the 2016 NFL Draft, I, like many of you were captivated by the engineering marvel that graced our screens in the form of a gas mask bong.  Most likely, many of you reading this are not engineers and didn't appreciate the picture for the same reasons I did.  My interest in the contraption had everything to do with the creative and intellectual design and nothing to do with the substance that made the smoke.  

The bottom line is that Larry Tunsil missed his calling.  With that kind of creativity, he should have gotten a job at Apple, but since Apple prefers to employ Chinese kids at 12 cents/hour, he probably made a good decision in sticking to football.

I digress.  This is not meant to praise Tunsil, but rather to identify something much bigger:  The Church of Ozzie.

Let me explain.  It wasn't until a few days later that I found an article ( http://www.baltimorebeatdown.com/2016/4/30/11546916/schefter-ravens-draft-laremy-tunsil-if-the-twitter-video-never-saw ), that I assume is correct because it was on the internet, backing up the theory that Tunsil would have been drafted over Ronnie Stanley if not for the Twitter video.  I can only imagine that this new found holier-then-thou mentality will drive Ozzie Newsome to establish his own church to impart this feeling onto others (or possibly for the tax breaks as explained here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7y1xJAVZxXg ).  Why do I call this mentality "new found"?  Well, because of the players Newsome did employ over the years who had arrest records, guilty pleas, jail time, fines, etc.

Lorenzo Taliaferro - May 24, 2014 - Accused of destroying a taxi window and being drunk in public.  Went into a diversion program.

Jah Reid - March 9, 2014 - Accused of fighting in a strip club.  Went into a diversion program.

Deontae Thompson - February 21, 2014 - Accused of marijuana posession.

Ray Rice - February 15, 2014 - You might remember this as the casino security footage that Rodger Goodell couldn't find (but he could calculate air pressure in footballs???).  Wasn't cut until the 2-game suspension became indefinite.  

Rolando McClain - April 21, 2013 - Resisted arrest and sentenced to 18 days in jail.

Sergio Kindle - December 26, 2010 - Measured 0.17 on a brethalyer after being pulled over, or, as Ethan Hawk said in Gattica: "There's more alcohol in this piss than there is piss."  He got 2 years probation.

Derrick Martin - June 28, 2008 - Brought marijuana packets through airport security.

Joe Maese/George Sapp - December 29, 2007 - Both players accused eachother of assault at a bar.  Charges were dropped when they both decided not to testify.

Steve McNair - May 9, 2007 - Let his buddy drive his car drunk while he was a passenger (pretty stupid crime actually).

B.J. Sams - August 15, 2005 - Accused of drunk driving.  Pleaded out and got probation.

Corey Fuller - April 20, 2004 - Accused of hosting a gambling operation at this house and arrested for carrying a fire arm during a police raid.  He was acquitted.

Jamal Lewis - February 25, 2004 - Served four months in prison and suspended two games on drug dealing and cocaine possession.

Chris McAlister - August 18, 2003 - Accused of drunk driving.

Terrell Suggs - March 29, 2003 - Accused of aggravated assault (but he was acquitted).

Chris McAlister - June 15, 2001 - Accused of disturbing the pease by verbal abuse and pushing of a flight attendant.

Leon Searcy - May 4, 2001 - Accused of kicking his wife and put in anger management classes.

Chris McAlister - Accused of marijuana possession (charge dropped).

And the cherry on top:

Ray Lewis - January 31, 2000 - Accused of MURDER!!!  Friggin MURDER!!!  Allegedly stabbed two people outside a nightclub in Atlanta.  Pled guilty to obstruction of justice and got a year of probation.

So to recap, Ozzie Newsome employs a bunch of people accused and convicted of actual crimes, but has a problem with a kid smoking pot in high school?  Ozzie, please set up this new church so I can learn how to be this perfect person you envision.

In fact, please provide me your address so I can send you my seed to get this church started.  Maybe I'll send a new breathalyzer controlled door lock for your practice facility.  Patent Pending!


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