Open Rants by RichardKPE

So, I was enjoying a quiet day at the office.  No annoying conference calls.  No stupid clients.  Ready to go home early even when the single greatest quote of all time graced my screen:

"They're so happy that Dak was able to step into some really big shoes because the Cowboys are America's team and to be able to step in there and now take them to the playoffs is definitely the winner of the Willie Beamen award." - Jamie Foxx

That's right kids!  Jamie Fox just anointed Dak Prescott as the real life Willie Beamen!

This leaves us with the impossible task of determining who is the better Beamen.  Let's do this!

Category 1: The Introduction

For this category, we need to review the timelines.  

Cowboys: Tony Romo was lost to a back injury during the preseason. 

Sharks: Cap Rooney was lost to a back injury during the regular season (we're not exactly sure of the week).

Cowboys: Dak Prescott comes in and goes 17 of 23 for 116 and a score in one half of preseason play.

Sharks: Willie Beamen comes in and, well...

Cowboys: Proceed to lose Dak's next game.

Sharks: In his next game, Beamen goes full Beamen while showing up his old school coach:

So at this point, Willie Beamen has won a real game, given his coach a smackdown, and has Dr. Cox calling him the future of football.

Beamen 1, Prescott 0

Category 2: The Arm Candy

Willie Beamen has a rough go in this department.  He starts out with a seemingly nice and smart girl, but loses her when he reveals that he can't read a playbook.

Conversley, Dak Prescott has this.

Beamen 1, Prescott 1

Category 3: The Celebrity

I don't think I've watched a commercial in 5 years, so I had to consult Youtube for this.  Prescott landed his first commercial with Adidas which is a big deal for an athlete since Shoes, Sports Car, and Soft Drink are the big three.  The commercial is generic.  Nothing bad, but nothing great either:

But who are we kidding?  Willie, kindly drop the mic:

Beamen 2, Prescott 1

Category 4: The Excitement Factor

A quick Prescott search on youtube yields some highlights from Prescott:

A lot of safe stuff since Dallas doesn't want to put too much on his shoulders.

Beamen, on the other hand, does this:

Beamen 3, Prescott 1

Category 5: The Longevity

Easy win for Prescott here.  Beamen keeps referring to his arm being in pain and seeing a specialist.  Also, he goes to New Mexico (dumb move) to play on an expansion team (dumber move) that has to build an offensive line from scratch (YOU IDIOT!!!).

Beamen 3, Prescott 2

Category 6: The Interview

Always important to see how the star QB handles the media.  Beamen?

Nicely done.  He drops the "invisible juice" bomb, refuses to give Dr. Cox a pound, and even puts down his own race which gives him a built in excuse if he ever slips on the field.  

Dak?  Care to retort?

Wait a second...

Holy shit!  The guy has his partner in crime photobombing him as part of a routine!  Nice save!

Beamen 3, Prescott 3 

Category 7: The Big Game

Prescott takes Dallas into their game against Green Bay while Beamen went 1-1 in his first playoff stint with the Sharks.  My guess is that Prescott will do fine in his game, but it won't be this:

Nine seconds to go at midfield and the coach calls an option run?  Either Pacino lost his mind or he's a total genius.  It should be noted that Cameron Diaz and her movie mom stand up just as Beamen STARTS running.  This guy running is like Aaron Rodgers loading up the hail mary.

Look, Jaime Foxx may be one of the most talented dudes out there, and he's certainly a Willie Beamen authority.  I also acknowledge that Dak's story is eerily similar to Willie's.  Someone just has to remind Foxx that he's the ONLY Steamin Willie Beamen.

Final Score: Beamen defeats Prescott 4-3.