The GOAT

published on 4/25/2024


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Round 1

Picks 17-32
17. Jaguars: Quinyon Mitchell, CB, Toledo

Holy Toledo! I can't believe he's still available.


18. Bengals: Brian Thomas Jr., WR, LSU

Tyler was boyded, and Higgins wants a trade. Time to tap into the LSU pipeline again.


19. Rams: Xavier Worthy, WR, Texas

Sean loves offensive players who can be schemed in. Think Tank (Dell). Of course, trading out of round one is always a good option.


20. Steelers: Troy Fautanu, G/OT, Washington

Need a Tackle? Check. Need a Guard? Check. Need a Center? Can do.


21. Dolphins: Jared Verse, DE, Florida State

Not to be Defensive, but will the injuries ever End?


22. Seahawks: Cooper DeJean, S/CB, Iowa

New D-Coordinator needs a new Kyle Hamilton.


23. Vikings: Jer'Zhan Newton, DT, Illinois

Well, you can call me Johnny. Or you can call me Jerry. Or you can call me Jer. Or you can call me JJ. Or you can call me JJZ. But ya doesn't have to call me Newton.


24. Cowboys: Graham Barton, G/OT, Duke

He can kick out to Tackle and slide inside to Center and everywhere in between. Too much magic... too much magic...


25. Packers: Tyler Guyton, OT, Oklahoma

Ham and cheese please, double meat.


26. Buccaneers: Chop Robinson, OLB/DE, Penn State

Traits are there to replace Devin White, but can he say AARGH!


27. Cardinals: Laiatu Latu, DE, UCLA

Medically falls into a perfect landing zone.


28. Bills: Adonai Mitchell, WR, Texas

He's going to like his new Diggs.


29. Lions: Kool-Aid McKinstry, CB, Alabama

Reunited with Brian Branch and it feels so good.


30. Ravens: Nate Wiggins, CB, Clemson

Hope he likes Old Bay and Natty Boh.


31. Raiders: Michael Penix Jr., QB, Washington

A roster whose needs can be filled in round 2, the Niners drop down to pick 44 and grab a bio-similar player.


32. Chiefs: Jordan Morgan, OT, Arizona

Andy buys a QB insurance plan and can bundle it later with a receiver in round two. Selling this pick to the Raiders or Broncos would be counterproductive.


Picks 17-32