USC

Chicago is gonna take SlayLeb Williams to root out the Toxic Masculinity that is plaguing Chicago.

LSU

Reigning Lightskin of the Year Jayden Daniels is coming to save the Commanders from 10+ loss seasons. Washington, welcome to 8-9

North Carolina

Jerod Mayo and Ol' Whorehouse Kraft are gonna pick the TrubAllen player of the year (brought to you by Kraft Mayonnaise). We wish them luck on this perilous journey

Ohio State

The Cardinals are gonna draft Maserati MarWin and Kyler Murray will finally lead Arizona to the super bowl. Proving us Short Kings can do anything

Notre Dame

Jim Harbaugh is racist (Coached Bitchigan), and will take the top Cracker in the draft.

LSU

Giants take Malik Nabers
Season 1: Extremely Promising Rookie Season with hiccups
Season 2: Stagnation
Season 3: Takes Leap to WR1 Status
Season 4: [REDACTED]
Season 5: WR1 for the San Antonio Brahmas

Alabama

Titans are average and boring, and the C- of NFL franchises. This pick fits the mission of the franchises

Washington

“Do you think you can land a plane in case of an emergency?” the reporter asked.

“Absolutely not,” Odunze said. “We are going down. All souls have perished.”

This is an Atlanta Falcon if I've seen one

UCLA

I don't think the Bears have a Polynesian player. Latu will fix this massive hole on their roster.

Georgia

Brock Bowers is what my uncle calls a White End, which is a Tight End who is White. He is also tall, which means he will be an elite NFL Tight End. Jets y'all win again

JJ McCarthy is a bitch, but I have a soft spot for the vikings so I hope he does well.

Michigan

JJ McCarthy is a bitch, but I have a soft spot for the vikings so I hope he does well.

Oregon

Sorry Bo, looks like you're destined to be mediocre. The Broncos pick quarterbacks like its 1974. If the Broncos were a serious franchise they'd trade up to number 1 and pick Slayleb Williams

Washington

Michael Penis :)